The absolute greatest scam on the planet has to be telecommuting. When I first heard that some employers actually permit their workers to stay home all day and “commute” to the office over the Net, I chuckled with good-natured disbelief: No way.
wedding gowns Then I became obsessed with the idea—not in a bad way,wedding gowns of course. Sure, I spent a few weekends following my editor around town so I could “bump into” him at the dry cleaner’s or genetic counselor’s clinic or deserted jogging trail. And yes, there was that time when I showed up at his desk with several sticks of dynamite strapped to my head. But those amusing little stunts were merely intended to show him the kind of guy I was—a total self-starter and a serious loner—in short, the perfect candidate upon whom to bestow the splendid privilege of telecommutation.
wedding dresses Shortly after this,wedding dresses a computer equipped with a 28.8 modem and a cranky little piece of software known as a PPP connection (see below) summarily arrived at my home. I was a telecommuter at last!
How to describe the soaring liberation I felt in those first days of “working” at home! No longer did I have to wear uncomfortable, itchy suits and ties and shoes to the office. (I could work in the nude if I liked ) And goodbye to the filthy, always late and criminally expensive Long Island Rail Road. It takes me 30 seconds to wander, naked, from my bedroom to my “office” in the garage.
wedding dresses Yes, indeed,wedding dresses I was a telecommuter at last. And life was grand. I cursed my laziness for hopping the gravy train so late in life after wasting so much money on ties and shoes.
But what did I know? It turns out that telecommuting is not the golden goose some savants of the Digital Age claim it is. No, it is a cruel and doomed mirage that could send you back, begging for your old office job from a pitiless editor. If, that is, you fail to master the Four Little Secrets of Telecommuting:
Little Secret 1: Woe unto the home telecommuter. You quickly become the company goat because everyone thinks you have a cushy deal “working” at home. And the best way to vent their frustration is to incessantly E-mail, voice-mail, beep and cellular-call you. Naturally, there are defenses against this.
wedding gowns Little Secret 2: In the unlikely event that you actually want to work,wedding gowns it’s virtually impossible. It’s such a nice day, or it’s too hot, or a particular movie needs watching, or it’s naptime. No, it’s impossible to get anything done.
Little Secret 3: It’s lonely. All your friends are at work having long lunches and snickering about how your editor wears those peculiar suspenders and what’s that all about anyway. And you’re at home. alone.
Little Secret 4: Your PPP connection (see above) will always fail. If you need connectivity to your office system, try something more reliable, like a carrier pigeon or a message in a bottle.
Aside from that, I love telecommuting, I really do. And I’m sure you will too.
